It’s not a meal on its own. It’s a low-calorie dessert topping for diehards who have already feasted plentifully on Dario Argento’s filmography.

Sometimes, dead is better. And sometimes, mediocrity is fine, so viewers might want to adjust their anticipation accordingly.

I hope the horror trivia hosts don’t ever test my memory of this mid movie, otherwise I’ll be turning in a blank piece of paper.

“Destroy All Neighbors” benefits from a precise calibration of a viewer’s mindset beforehand, preferably influenced by that person’s vice of choice.

Slow and steady may win the race, but it takes the teeth out of the movie’s mouth, and the film can’t have any bite with soft gums alone.

If anyone’s enjoyment of “Thanksgiving” hinges on the iffy whodunit, they’ll miss out on the murderous merriment that is really the movie’s main course.

“No One Will Save You” is a widely praised frightener that’s cleverly crafted yet not necessarily hot enough to heat everyone’s cup of tea.

Drink up the movie like a light Christmas cocktail spiking its horror highball with jamon iberico-washed bourbon for just a slight hint of ham.

Despite my personal connections, all I really have to say about “Five Nights at Freddy’s” is “eh, whatever” like I would any other ordinary horror film.

Mass-market fright films built for mainstream audiences are made to be marketable more than they’re made to be memorable.

“The Amityville Curse” is essentially what you’d think the average offspring of a marriage between Amityville and Tubi would look like.

Heaven help the creatives who still have to deliver two more sequels. Maybe they should hope for help from Hell instead. How much worse off would they be?

“Pet Sematary” fires a straight shot through the meatiest beats while ensuring deeper themes about dealing with death always get their due.

As though John Ritter got ahold of a magical remote control, “Jason X” feels like a stuntman slasher was let loose on an old episode of “Andromeda".”

While conceptually gutsy for not playing it safe with strict “Friday the 13th” formula, “Jason Goes to Hell” makes for a technically messy movie.

Maybe “Cobweb” wasn’t worth a trip to the theater to watch the same brand of standard suspense that streaming services burp up at home on a weekly basis.

Manhattan-related grievances notwithstanding, mediocrity lands it in a fair middle ground amongst its peers as far as standard “Friday the 13th” merits are concerned.

I can just list ingredients like I’m writing a nutrition label and you’ll see how “Terror at London Bridge” provides 100% of your recommended daily dose of nostalgia.