PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: NEXT OF KIN (2021)

Studio:     Paramount Players/Blumhouse
Director:    William Eubank
Writer:     Christopher Landon
Producer:  Jason Blum, Oren Peli
Stars:     Emily Bader, Roland Buck III, Dan Lippert, Henry Ayres Brown, Tom Nowicki

Review Score:

Summary:

A young woman’s search for her birth mother exposes a cult-like community hidden deep in Amish country.

Synopsis:     

Review:

Across the 1,700 movies I’ve covered since 2013, I can only think of a limited number of instances where I had every intention of reviewing a film, yet threw up my hands in surrender after a screening because I didn’t feel like there was anything worth saying. These weren’t cases of not “getting” a movie or of not having an opinion one way or another. These few films just didn’t leave enough of an impression to where 750 additional words beyond, “Meh, it was alright, I guess” seemed warranted. I could sum up that sentiment in a quick tweet and save myself several hours of runaround writing.

“Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” marks the first time I’ve had that experience in several years. Whether it’s gushing about something good or glowering about something awful, talking about fright films usually comes easy for me. But I wondered if I’d even bother writing this review because I couldn’t come up with a unique angle or many notable observations that looked like they could get me all the way through a full-length article.

I watched “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” with my girlfriend during our two-day Halloween weekend 2021 horror marathon. Other selections included all four flicks from Elvira’s 40th anniversary special on Shudder, repeat viewings of “Malignant” (review here) and “Halloween Kills” (review here), evergreen classics like “Night of the Living Dead” and “The WNUF Halloween Special,” and several more genre movies and TV shows.

If you were to wait let’s say a month, then ask my girlfriend and I to use only our memories to recall what we watched over those 36 hours, “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” stands the best chance of being the one title we’d inadvertently leave off the list. It would probably take someone accidentally saying its name out loud for either one of us to be like, “Oh yeah, we watched that new ‘Paranormal Activity’ too, didn’t we?” Between the booze, Skittles, pizza, and better movies occupying our minds, “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” just didn’t possess the power to really resonate at all.

When I woke up on November 1st, my girlfriend asked how I planned on spending the day. The idea of resuming my regular writing routine didn’t sound appealing. I told her, “Maybe I’ll play video games or something because I really don’t want to force myself through a ‘Paranormal Activity’ review.” But with old habits being hard to break, I started up the film again and watched “Next of Kin” for the second time in a day.

“Perhaps I’ll find a fresh take on my second spin through,” I thought. Well, that didn’t happen. Turns out I was no less “meh” on the movie than I was the first time around.

Dull though it may be, I realized my “well, whatever” reaction counts as criticism, even if it isn’t exciting to read. Then again, one can counter that “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” isn’t overly exciting to watch, so maybe “well, whatever” says more about the movie than 750 more words possibly could.

Like previous ‘Paranormal Activity’ entries, “Next of Kin” uses a “found footage” frame. However, traditional rules for the first-person format go out the window whenever the filmmakers deem style is more important than sense, which pretty much happens in any scene with intense action. Try to keep track of who is supposedly using the camera in these sequences and you’ll notice the answer is “no one.” “Next of Kin” simply slips in other cuts and camera angles to maintain energetic editing, never mind if these moments are motivated by the “someone shot this with a handheld camera” conceit or not.

Unlike previous ‘Paranormal Activity’ films, “Next of Kin” doesn’t connect to the mythology involving Toby, Katie, Micah, et al. Instead, we start with a brand new setup where a young woman who resembles a cross between Alexandra D’Addario and Alison Brie sets out with a pseudo-boyfriend camera operator and comic relief sound guy to find her birth mother. That search leads this cinematically eclectic trio to an Amish farm in rural New York and a cloistered community who seem to be hiding sinister secrets. (Spoiler Alert: They are.)

“Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” qualifies as a functionally fine, albeit formulaic thriller. Right on cue, the script works in an audiovisual jump scare of the “hand on shoulder” or “sudden noise” variety every seven minutes or so. Also right on cue, a conveniently timed exposition dump fills in all remaining blanks as Act Two turns into Act Three. Directed by William Eubank and written by Christopher Landon, both of whom have been around this block multiple times before, we’re basically looking at a movie made by seasoned veterans hitting for par on a well-manicured course of mainstream chills.

“Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” might be borderline indistinct, except the film gets rescued from the brink of by-the-numbers banality by having a couple of small things working in its favor. For one, the snow-set countryside location and Puritan period clothing combines for an aesthetic not often seen in similar settings. The factors of restrictive religion and wintry weather make for an unsettling atmosphere rife with potential for conspiratorial cabals, ancient occultism, and devilish demons from biblical legends.

The most significant thing “Next of Kin” has to make it somewhat memorable is a mildly nutty ending that’s eerily entertaining. After an average runtime of routine spooks and predictable plot beats, a point comes when our heroine does something a little different by exploring a subterranean cave. Having been unimpressed up until then, I half-jokingly remarked out loud, “there had better be a monster somewhere in this cave.” The joke was on me because not long after, my monster did indeed make an appearance.

A worse cinema sin than being bad is being boring. I’ll forgive some flaws when a film pushes its chips ‘all in’ on something kind of crazy and “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” does exactly that. This chaotic conclusion can’t salvage the mediocrity of the majority of the movie, but it’s better than nothing, and I’ll take bonkers over bland any day of the week.

I wouldn’t say “Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin” is bad, nor would I say it’s good. Without intending to be dismissive in my summation, it’s simply a “here it is” experience in relatively ordinary horror. In other words, it’s something that appears appropriate for stuffing onto a streaming service where it can blend in with every other come-and-go Halloween season release, yet doesn’t have the fire to fully reignite a dormant franchise. Considering its nearly invisible identity, it’s a miracle I managed to find 1,100 words to essentially repeat, “It’s okay.” What else is there to say?

Review Score: 55