FANTASY ISLAND (2020)

Studio:      Blumhouse
Director:    Jeff Wadlow
Writer:      Jeff Wadlow, Chris Roach, Jillian Jacobs
Producer:  Jason Blum, Marc Toberoff, Jeff Wadlow
Stars:     Michael Pena, Maggie Q, Lucy Hale, Austin Stowell, Jimmy O. Yang, Portia Doubleday, Ryan Hansen, Michael Rooker, Mike Vogel, Parisa Fitz-Henley

Review Score:

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Summary:

Guests at a mysterious tropical resort live out their deepest desires, but experience shocking consequences.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Supposed contest winners Melanie Cole, Patrick Sullivan, Gwen Olsen, and stepbrothers J.D. and Brax Weaver are welcomed to the Fantasy Island resort by Mr. Roarke’s personal assistant Julia. Mr. Roarke, who operates the supernatural island that fulfills personal fantasies, explains there are just two rules: each guest is allowed only one fantasy and he or she must see the fantasy through to its natural conclusion.

J.D. and Brax experience their fantasy “to have it all” by partying with models at a lavish mansion. However, their fantasy erupts in chaos when masked men armed with assault rifles invade the house, kill partygoers, and take the brothers hostage. Before they are captured, Mr. Roarke advises Brax that a consequence of having it all is that people want to take it.

Mr. Roarke grants Gwen’s request to redo her greatest regret, which was turning down a marriage proposal from her boyfriend Alan five years ago. Gwen becomes confounded by the island’s mysterious powers when she accepts Alan’s proposal and ends up with a five-year-old daughter named Lila, along with new memories of her missing years as a wife and mother.

To fulfill her fantasy of taking revenge on childhood bully Sloane Madison, Melanie enters an underground chamber where she finds Sloane restrained to a chair. Initially assuming her bully to be a hologram, Melanie operates a control panel to inflict various tortures on Sloane. Melanie also uploads a sex video to social media, resulting in Sloane’s husband Will learning about Sloane’s extramarital affair.

Patrick enters the jungle to begin his fantasy of being enlisted in the military. Patrick briefly meets a disheveled man named Damon, who warns that the island isn’t what it seems.

Several soldiers capture Patrick and bring him to their commander, who turns out to be Patrick’s deceased father Mr. Sullivan. As Patrick realizes his true wish was to see his father again, the soldiers are suddenly ambushed.

A hulking man in surgeon’s scrubs enters the underground chamber to torture Sloane. Having a change of heart, Melanie uses her control panel to electrocute The Surgeon and rescue Sloane. The Surgeon pursues Melanie and Sloane into the jungle where Damon rescues the two women.

After recovering from the ambush, Patrick reveals his true identity to Sullivan. Patrick tells Sullivan that he died 27 years earlier while on a classified mission in Venezuela. Sullivan eventually accepts the time paradox and reveals he is supposed to go to Venezuela tomorrow. When Sullivan decides to abandon the mission in order to save his life, Patrick counters that Sullivan’s sacrifice of jumping on a grenade is essential to saving his soldiers and dying a hero. Sullivan still refuses to go, resulting in a fight with Patrick, who calls his father a coward. Patrick eventually convinces Sullivan that the outcome of his mission will be different since Patrick is with him now.

When Gwen asks about the island’s power, Mr. Roarke reveals he became the caretaker in exchange for the island bringing his dead wife back to life. Feeling undeserving of a happy life, Gwen asks for a new fantasy, but Mr. Roarke explains he must follow the island’s rules or else lose his wife permanently.

Damon takes Melanie and Sloane to a cave where a strange rock glows in a spring of black water. Damon identifies himself as a private investigator who was hired to find out how the island works, but became trapped there after Mr. Roarke seduced him with a fantasy of his dead daughter. Damon fills a canteen with the black water, which he explains is how the fantasies are powered, and tells the women he needs them to smuggle it off the island for examination.

Gwen tells Julia that now that she knows the island can undo true tragedies, the real regret she wants to change is causing an apartment fire that killed her neighbor Nick Taylor one year before the marriage proposal. Gwen ultimately coerces Mr. Roarke into changing her fantasy since he must do the island’s bidding to keep his wife alive.

Gwen enters a burning apartment building and sees J.D. and Brax fleeing down a stairwell. Gwen tries to enlist help from a police officer who turns out to be Patrick, but he refuses out of fear for the fire. Gwen tries rescuing Nick Taylor by herself, but passes out from smoke inhalation.

The Surgeon returns to attack Damon, Melanie, and Sloane in the jungle. Damon sacrifices himself to save the women by tackling The Surgeon off of a cliff.

Patrick’s fantasy overlaps with the brothers when the military mission takes him to the luxury mansion. Sullivan’s soldiers get into a firefight with the home invaders, who become unstoppable zombies from having the black water in their bodies. J.D. is shot and killed. Sullivan sacrifices himself so Patrick and Brax can escape.

Melanie and Sloane return to the torture chamber and use its landline to contact Sloane’s husband Will again. After Sloane apologizes, Will agrees to call a number Damon gave her to summon a rescue plane. Patrick and Brax find the two women.

Julia pulls Gwen out of the fire. Gwen realizes she has actually been inside someone else’s fantasy, not her own.

Surrounded by staff members who won’t let them leave, Patrick, Brax, Melanie, Sloane, and Gwen confront Mr. Roarke for the truth. The guests learn they all connect to Nick Taylor’s death in some way. Nick lived with the brothers, Patrick failed to act, Gwen accidentally started the fire, and Melanie cancelled a date she was supposed to have with Nick on the night he died. Everyone realizes they are actually pawns in someone else’s revenge fantasy, but they do not know whose.

The home invaders shoot down the rescue plane with a rocket launcher. Patrick, Brax, Melanie, Sloane, and Gwen flee.

Melanie and Sloane suggest using a grenade to blow up the spring that powers the island. Patrick, Brax, Melanie, Sloane, and Gwen go to the cave, but become separated. Patrick confronts visions of drowned zombies as well as his father. Brax confronts his dead brother. Sloane confronts her doppelganger.

Gwen finds Lila murdering Alan. Lila then holds hands with Nick Taylor. Melanie unexpectedly stabs Patrick as she reenters the cave with The Surgeon holding Sloane captive. Melanie reveals to Gwen, Brax, and Patrick that they have been in her revenge fantasy all along as she was actually in love with Nick Taylor and holds all of them responsible for his death.

Mr. Roarke stops Gwen from putting the grenade in the spring. Mr. Roarke confesses that Julia is his wife, not his assistant. Because she continually relives her death, it became less painful to lie to Julia about who she really is. Gwen tries convincing Mr. Roarke that Julia is his prisoner and he has to let her go by stopping Melanie’s fantasy to free the guests. Mr. Roarke refuses before turning everyone back over to Melanie.

Dying once again, Julia confronts Mr. Roarke. Julia’s pleading finally convinces Mr. Roarke to defy the island, let her die for good, and save the guests.

Mr. Roarke reminds everyone that each guest is entitled to a fantasy. Since she didn’t have one yet, Sloane drinks the water from Damon’s canteen and wishes for Melanie and Nick to be reunited. Nick’s charred arm emerges from the spring to drag Melanie underwater. Melanie tries detonating the grenade, but Patrick sacrifices his life by diving on it like his father.

Gwen, Brax, and Sloane regroup in Mr. Roarke’s office. As Gwen and Sloane prepare to depart on a plane, Mr. Roarke offers Brax his own fantasy since he was technically part of his brother’s the first time. Mr. Roarke grants Brax’s wish for J.D. to come back to life. Brax accepts the consequence of being unable to leave the island so J.D. can go home with the women.

Mr. Roarke makes Brax his new assistant. Mr. Roarke renames Brax “Tattoo” according to a college nickname owed to an unfortunate tattoo that literally spelled the word.

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Review:

Blumhouse’s “Fantasy Island” leans closer to “Amazing Stories” or “The Twilight Zone” than it does toward “Tales from the Crypt.” Nevertheless, its driving concept inherently creates a cool hook for fashioning a feature film out of pieces that initially operate like a horror anthology.

No one knows exactly how Fantasy Island pulls off its impressively immersive experiences. Are Westworld-style robotics and technology powering VR illusions? Astounding actors and elaborately constructed sets? Could supernatural magic possibly be in play? Whatever the explanation, five contest winners have arrived at the exotic resort for a VIP getaway where their deepest desires are designed to come to life, and the only costs are unexpected consequences.

Patrick looks to correct his cowardice with a military simulation alongside an adored idol. Gwen hopes for a similar reunion with someone long gone via an opportunity to change a decision she deeply regrets. Sarcastic stepbrothers J.D. and Brax just want to party like playboys. Melanie wants revenge against the childhood bully who put her into therapy.

Mysterious caretaker Mr. Roarke can, and does, make these dreams come true, provided everyone follows the island’s two rules: only one fantasy per person and each guest must see it through to the end. Horror movie rules about wish fulfillment trump the island’s demands however. Like “The Monkey’s Paw,” “Pet Sematary,” or any other fear fable about failing to foresee how fooling fate never works out, the men and women playing Fantasy Island’s game learn new lessons about being careful what they wish for. Their individual experiences ultimately link to a revelation that ties their personally-tailored terrors together.

The online hive mind has spoken and its collective conclusion can be heard loud and clear: apparently Blumhouse’s “Fantasy Island” only needs to add a coronavirus and then it can qualify as the worst tropical trip anyone can take. The critically lambasted flick sits near the bottom of Rotten Tomatoes with a measly 10% ‘Fresh’ rating. Metacritic isn’t kinder. The scores from 25 top reviewers average out to just 20 out of 100.

Listen to hyperbole and “Fantasy Island” sounds more irredeemably offensive than a man who beats his wife. On the Roger Ebert website, Peter Sobczynski called the film “no sane person’s fantasy of a half-decent movie.” Rolling Stone’s Peter Travers, who usually hands out raves ready-made for any box that will put his quote on the cover, wrote in his zero-star review, “if crimes against cinema merited prosecution, Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island would go directly to death row … stop it now, before it kills again.” From the viciousness of complaints spitted against it, you’d think “Fantasy Island” was responsible for assassinating Archduke Ferdinand.

Somewhere in my time as a genre film critic, I seem to have indirectly become a shoulder-shrugging defender of mainstream horror movies exaggeratingly accused of being abhorrent abominations. I went into average thrillers like “The Bye Bye Man” (review here) and “Rings” (review here) hearing nothing but hateful condemnation echoing words like those hurled at “Fantasy Island” above. I came out confused over what inspired such angry hubbub. Those movies aren’t destined for classic status of any kind, but they’re adequate pieces of popcorn entertainment to fill 90 minutes you weren’t doing anything better with anyway.

Add “Fantasy Island” to the list of popularly maligned horror films that are actually okay. They merely need to be measured against a fairer curve for milquetoast movies targeted at less demanding audiences. I’m not dying on any hills or anything. But to people insinuating you’d have to be insane to find it even half-decent, or ludicrously likening it to a mass murderer, I have to wonder where in the world they were setting their unrealistic expectations.

“Fantasy Island” is fine. I know, fine isn’t an ideal adjective that’s going to get anyone excited about anything, nor should it. But it fits for what the film’s finished form aims to be and for how well it achieves those unambitious goals. Remember, we’re talking about a midrange Blumhouse production, one whose characteristics include prioritizing prettiness, streamlining suspense, and basically seasoning itself simply to be as palatably pedestrian as possible for mass consumption. On those grounds, “Fantasy Island” can’t be considered anything other than successful.

Maybe it’s short on scares, but the film finds more flavor in its offbeat adventure aspect anyway. A disheveled Michael Rooker spelunks around a soundstage cave like some forgotten Indiana Jones companion. A squad of soldiers and an armed assembly of masked mercenaries face off in a firefight set in a luxury mansion. Add in weirdness like a mutely murderous Dr. Giggles on steroids and zombies fueled by black oil out of “The X-Files” and you’ve got all kinds of WTF nuttiness occupying the island.

Not all of “Fantasy Island’s” goofiness equals entertainment though, and that’s where I’ll roll my eyes at the same speed as detractors. I’m a big “Veronica Mars” fan, yet even I tired of Ryan Hansen doing frat boy shtick when he’s got to be at least ten years too old to still be playing that kind of character. Director Jeff Wadlow also should have stopped Kim Coates from indulging in an awful Russian accent that’s clearly used as amusement for the actor, not the audience. Perhaps Michael Pena plainly projects what’s underwritten on the page because he seemingly yearns to yawn as much as the audience with his passively bland portrayal of Mr. Roarke, whom Ricardo Montalban formerly made so memorable.

No one will ever watch “Fantasy Island” more than once, which is a good thing since there is no way the groundwork for the twist will look level when you know what’s coming. Most of the movie remains perfectly tolerable until a wild last act derails the train all the way into absurdity. I can and have forgiven a lot of the film’s foibles, but there’s a haphazardness in the last half hour’s structure where frayed ends have a hard time tying together cleanly. In these moments, it’s easy to see the story struggling to stay remotely sensible.

Haters are still being melodramatic. “Fantasy Island” certainly isn’t the worst project Blumhouse has ever had its name on. Not even close. It’s not even the worst theatrically-released thriller of 2020’s first six weeks. Has everyone forgotten about “The Turning” (review here) already?*

*(Counterpoint: Nobody can be faulted for forgetting “The Turning,” willingly or unwillingly.)

“Fantasy Island” meets acceptable standards for an assembly line effort intentionally producing blue collar Toyota Corollas, not high performance Maseratis. If it seems disappointing, that’s more a failing of misaligned expectations than the movie’s ability to deliver to the limits of a modest budget and B-list cast. Once again I just have to tuck my shoulders toward my neck and halfheartedly contend, “it’s really not that bad.”

Review Score: 55

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