DOLLS OF VOODOO (2013)

Studio:       NAMP Entertainment
Director:    Alan Smithee, Obba Babatunde, Kenya Moore
Writer:       Johnny Desarmes, Thamara Lamarre, Obba Babatunde
Producer:  Paul Goldsby
Stars:     Obba Babatunde, Kenya Moore, Miguel A. Nunez Jr., Rudolph Moise, William L. Johnson, Kiki Shepard, Kia Samuel

Review Score: 

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Summary:

A married couple becomes cursed after the husband has an affair with the jealous daughter of a voodoo priest. 

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Nadine prepares for her wedding in Miami, Florida. Groom Richard Lazard readies himself for the ceremony with his friend Gary. Gary reminds Richard of his relationship with an unstable Haitian woman named Florence. While engaged to Nadine, Richard carried on an affair with Florence. When he broke off their tryst, Florence swore retribution. Florence calls Nadine on her wedding day with a threat. Outside the ceremony, Florence wears a veil and uses a gun to open fire on the wedding party. No one is harmed. Florence is imprisoned and the newly married Lazards enjoy their honeymoon in Haiti.

Back in Miami, the couple learns that Florence is due to be released because no witnesses can link her to the shooting. Nadine berates her husband for having the affair. Florence’s voodoo priest father Iklif calls Richard with a threat.

A family member has a premonition that there will be trouble coming for Nadine. Iklif visits his daughter in jail and pledges to avenge her. After the Lazards visit their lawyer, Iklif creates a distraction and then blows voodoo dust over Nadine. Due to a lack of evidence, the judge frees Florence. Iklif threatens Richard in the courtroom.

Nadine blows off steam by playing tennis with a friend and meets an instructor named Vernon. Later, Nadine makes a pass at Gary in an effort to get back at her husband, but Gary talks her out of making that mistake. Nadine spends the evening with Richard before dreaming of Iklif performing voodoo rituals. Nadine later has a vision of Florence attacking her from the bathtub.

Gary visits Richard at his office to talk about making things right with his wife. Gary hits on Richard’s new receptionist. Iklif has Vernon spy on Nadine. Vernon flattens one of her tires and then kidnaps her. Richard realizes Nadine is missing after receiving a note saying she is at her mother’s, but learning that Nadine’s mother has not seen her. Richard then receives a voodoo doll sent by Iklif. Meanwhile, Iklif and Florence hold Nadine captive in Haiti.

Gary takes Richard to the airport. Once he is in Haiti, Richard meets with his friend Blazi and a man named T-Neg who acts as additional protection. At Iklif’s compound, Florence torments Nadine.

Blazi takes Richard to meet priestess Madame Dewitt Long. She gives Richard a pouch of items that she claims will help him combat Iklif. That night, Ikliff appears to Madame Dewitt Long and kills her with voodoo dust and a snake.

Richard, Blazi, and T-Neg arm themselves in preparation for storming Iklif’s compound. As they ready to leave, Vernon kills T-Neg with a poison arrow fired from the distance. Richard and Blazi use horses to travel to Iklif’s location. Iklif puts Nadine in a trance and makes her his servant.

Richard and Blazi infiltrate the compound and are confronted by Iklif. Florence holds Richard captive while Blazi fights with Iklif. Richard pretends to accept Florence’s proposal to be together and convinces her to free Nadine. Iklif chokes out his daughter when he discovers that Nadine has escaped. Blazi knocks Iklif off Florence and the two men wrestle again. Nadine returns to knock out Richard’s remaining guard and frees her husband. Richard rescues Blazi by stabbing Iklif with a machete. Richard and Blazi escape with Nadine on horseback. Meanwhile, the eyes of Iklif’s corpse open suddenly.

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Review:

Among Hollywood’s plentiful collection of poorly kept secrets is the relatively well known fact that “Alan Smithee” is a catch all pseudonym for a director who wants his/her name removed from the credits of a film.  Whether out of shame, disgust, disappointment, or general apathy, the reason for disassociating one’s self from a professional work is never good.  Neither is the resulting movie.  After all, if the director wants nothing to do with the finished product, then why would an audience?

Such is the case with “Dolls of Voodoo,” which is the latest entry on the fictional Mr. Smithee’s directorial resume.  He shares the credit with co-stars Obba Babatunde and Kenya Moore.  Multiple directors constitute the second red flag to scream, “you have been warned.”

As if cheating on his fiancée Nadine is not slimy enough, lawyer Richard Lazard makes a mistress out of Florence, the daughter of voodoo priest Iklif.  Scorning the Haitian woman paves the way for retribution in the form of zombie dust and ritualistic curses leading to Nadine’s kidnapping at Iklif’s hands.  A generic idol with pins stuck in it appears once or twice too, just to justify the first word in the title.

“Dolls of Voodoo” opens with one foot in the grave by explaining the scorned lover as a current tryst instead of as a jealous ex.  A one-sentence tweak of the screenplay might have aided with the main characters’ likability.  Instead, the story is saddled with a two timing lout for a protagonist and a woman willing to stick with a man who brought a voodoo priestess into their lives during the engagement.  Though this is only the beginning of the movie’s perplexing script issues.

“Dolls of Voodoo” turns into an unfocused smattering of loosely linked vignettes that barely contains any connecting tissue.  A careless lack of attention to detail is all the proof needed to see that too many cooks in the kitchen were desperate to stitch something together and call it a feature film.  Cars with California license plates appear during scenes set in Florida.  The voodoo priest’s last name is spelled “Casmir” while his daughter’s appears as “Cashmire.”  Blows and punches in fight sequences come with the phony sounding thuds of bargain basement kung-fu movies.  All that is missing is a Batman-style “Pow!” flashing onscreen.

Characters enter and exit the story for no discernible reason.  Richard’s receptionist asks to go on leave so that she can attend to her sick mother.  She hires a replacement that flirts with Richard’s friend and then ends up in a hot tub.  Was the first receptionist a producer’s relative?  Why was her appearance ever necessary?  A lawyer who delivers bad news.  A tennis partner who flirts with her instructor.  “Dolls of Voodoo” is loaded with moments and with people that have no bearing whatsoever on the plot.  Something smells fishy.

Although a copyright dates the movie to 2013, its TV movie lighting and throwback soundtrack make it seem straight out of 1993.  Alan Smithee.  A pointless roster of secondary players.  An outdated presentation.  None of these things add up.

A quick bit of detective work finally revealed the reason behind the film’s sloppy appearance.  It turns out that “Dolls of Voodoo” is not an entirely original production.  It is actually reworked material from a 2010 release titled “Trapped: Haitian Nights.”  Not quite 1993, but the revelation goes a long way towards explaining why Obba Babatunde’s hair is varying shades of white depending upon the scene.  The filmmakers removed Vivica A. Fox’s starring role, kept the storyline of the voodoo father/daughter and newlywed husband/wife, and bookended the reused pieces with additional footage to create a “new” movie.

The result is exactly what one would expect from a movie made by at least three different directors working from two different scripts between 2010 and 2013.  Resurrected like a Haitian zombie, “Dolls of Voodoo” stumbles aimlessly in a confused daze somewhere between alive and undead.  Unlike the zombie, “Dolls of Voodoo” is not even scary.

“Trapped: Haitian Nights” went unnoticed in 2010.  Someone mistakenly believed that removing the marquee draw and forcing in nonsensical segments to make a new movie might make a difference in 2013.  Except the only difference is now they have two movies on their hands that no one is interested in seeing.

Review Score:  20

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