COCAINE BEAR (2023)

Studio:     Universal Pictures
Director:    Elizabeth Banks
Writer:     Jimmy Warden
Producer:  Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, Elizabeth Banks, Max Handelman, Brian Duffield, Aditya Sood
Stars:     Keri Russell, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Christian Convery, Alden Ehrenreich, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Brooklynn Prince, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Margo Martindale, Ray Liotta

Review Score:

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Summary:

Cops, kids, park rangers and drug dealers converge in a strange scenario when a wild bear goes on a bloody rampage after ingesting misplaced cocaine.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

On assignment to deliver a shipment of cocaine for notorious drug trafficker Sydney “Syd” White, Andrew C. Thornton knocks himself unconscious while jumping out of an airplane, which causes his parachute to not open. Accompanied by Officer Reba, Detective Bob Springs investigates his ongoing case against Syd where Andrew’s body lands in Knoxville, Tennessee. Meanwhile, the drugs drop in Georgia’s Chattahoochee National Forest where a black bear eats some of the cocaine and begins a rampage by attacking hiking tourists Kristoffer and Elsa.

In St. Louis, Syd tasks his enforcer Daveed and depressed son Eddie with recovering the cocaine. Acting on a tip from a trucker who overheard Daveed and Eddie in a dive bar, Bob leaves his new dog with Officer Reba so he can track down Syd’s men.

Single mother Sari learns her 13-year-old daughter Dee Dee ditched school to explore a waterfall with her friend Henry. The bear ends up attacking the two kids. Sari goes to the forest’s Visitor Center where she enlists park ranger Liz and Liz’s friend Peter to help look for the missing children.

Three teenage punks nicknamed Stache, Vest, and Ponytail try to rob Daveed in a public restroom in the park. Daveed beats all three punks unconscious. After discovering the punks stashed a duffel bag full of the missing cocaine in a gazebo, Daveed forces Stache to take him and Eddie to the drugs. Vest and Ponytail retreat to the Visitor’s Center to call an ambulance.

Sari, Liz, and Peter find Henry hiding in a tree. Henry warns them about the rampaging bear and the cocaine they found while recounting how the bear took Dee Dee back to its lair.

The bear attacks Liz and Peter. Liz recovers and leaves to go for help. When the bear viciously mauls Peter, Sari and Henry use the opportunity to escape so they can look for Dee Dee.

Liz returns to the Visitor’s Center to find Vest and Ponytail robbed the place while waiting for their ambulance. Liz inadvertently shoots Ponytail in his head when the bear arrives at the door. The bear mauls Vest to death.

Paramedics Beth and Tom arrive at the Visitor’s Center. The bear continues its rampage, but Liz, Beth, and Tom ultimately escape in the ambulance with the bear in furious pursuit.

During the chaotic chase, Liz dies when her stretcher falls out of the ambulance, overturns, and skids her body across the pavement. The bear violently rips apart Tom, which causes Beth to crash. Beth ejects through the windshield and dies.

Bob finds the duffel bag of cocaine stashed at the gazebo just before Daveed, Eddie, and Stache get there. Pulling their guns on each other, Bob and Daveed enter a standoff that gets interrupted when the exhausted bear collapses atop Eddie.

Smelling another cocaine brick nearby, the bear recovers and begins attacking. Bob lures the bear away from the other men by dispersing more cocaine. Although Bob allows everyone to escape, only Stache flees while Daveed pulls his gun on Bob.

Having unexpectedly arrived to see to the situation personally, Syd suddenly shoots Bob. Syd warns Eddie that if they don’t recover the cocaine for the Colombians, the cartel will come after their family, including Eddie’s neglected son Gabe. Before dying from Syd’s gunshot, Bob learns Officer Reba was working for Syd all along as she arrives to join the men. Meanwhile, the bear runs off with the duffel bag.

Following a brief encounter with Kristoffer, Sari and Henry find Dee Dee and the duffel bag with two cubs in the bear’s cave lair. Sari, Henry, and Dee Dee start making their escape toward a waterfall outside.

After finding Kristoffer’s mutilated corpse, Reba decides the danger is no longer worth the reward and returns to her car despite Syd threatening her at gunpoint. Desperate to recover the duffel bag, Syd continues to the cave where he, Daveed, and Eddie meet Sari, Henry, and Dee Dee.

Syd recovers the duffel bag, but the two bear cubs, who became as obsessed with cocaine as their mother, determinedly harangue him. Eddie tries telling his father that they need to give up the cocaine so everyone can be safe, but Syd refuses.

The bear returns for another attack. Sari, Dee Dee, Henry, Eddie, and Daveed jump into the waterfall to escape. The bear eviscerates Syd.

Stache secretly makes off with the cocaine, which the authorities never discover. Reba gives Bob’s dog Rosette to Eddie, which he gives to his son Gabe when they reunite. Daveed and Eddie are alarmed when they notice the dog eating Daveed’s two severed fingers, which were blown off in his gunfight with Bob. Meanwhile, the bear and its cubs menacingly stare down a pair of curious tourists.

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Review:

Few movie titles can use only two words and still create a fully formed vision in your head when you see or hear them put together.  “Cocaine Bear” is one of those titles.  Whatever funky imagery that name inspires in your imagination, “Cocaine Bear” has had the same wild ideas, and its askew kookiness assures it pretty much mirrors what you’re probably picturing.

“Cocaine Bear” purports to be “inspired by true events.”  Maybe you’ve noticed that more movies nowadays use that specific phrasing instead of “based on a true story.”  That’s because “true events” has broader shoulders for heavier lifting, allowing more leeway to take liberties that would make “true story” too much of a lie.

The facts in this case involve neither the goofy people nor the gruesome rampage that “Cocaine Bear” depicts.  But then, the disappointing reality of “bear just eats some misplaced cocaine and harmlessly drops dead” doesn’t sound anywhere near as entertaining, does it?  So what screenwriter Jimmy Warden does is he takes the springboard of a hapless drug smuggler losing his stash while accidentally killing himself, which actually did happen, and uses it to kickstart a chaotic chain reaction of persistent peril, pursuits, gunplay, and bloody maulings anchored around a bear who inadvertently gets high on the lost supply, all of which did not happen.

Warden absolutely stuffs the story with quietly quirky weirdos, somewhere in the neighborhood of nearly two-dozen speaking roles.  Close to the top of this plentiful pile sits a drug trafficker who wants his enforcer and his disinterested son to recover the missing cocaine, all while a dogged detective hunts for these men and their merch.  Then there’s the worried single mother, who partners with a park ranger and another forester to look for her 13-year-old daughter and school-skipping friend who went missing in the woods.  Gumming up the works for both of those groups is a trio of teen punks who make it a hobby to regularly wreak havoc on tourists.  A pair of paramedics, a pair of Scandinavian hikers, and another police officer also play small, yet important parts in the proceedings.

In addition to precise purposes in the plot, Warden also grants each of these people a backstory bit that allows the cast to inhabit them as distinguishable alter egos.  The detective accidentally adopted a dog better suited for a Beverly Hills socialite, and he needs someone to watch it while he’s off catching criminals.  The drug trafficker’s son neglects his own offspring while mourning a lost love.  The dorky little boy tries to impress the savvy little girl by claiming he’s experienced in the regular use of cocaine.  Everyone has a side story that provides a pinch of personality.  They don’t need much more development beyond that because they’re played by recognizable faces who can carry characters with natural onscreen charisma.

It’s not at all unusual to see a roster stacked this deep with stars when someone who is primarily known as a performer takes a seat in the canvas chair on the other side of the camera.  It’s easy to imagine that director Elizabeth Banks called in her clout, and possibly a few favors, to fill up “Cocaine Bear” with celebrities playing actual roles, not throwaway cameos.  Then again, it’s equally easy to assume the prospect of a novel concept rife with gags and gore attracted a plethora of famous friends who were willing to work for reduced rates just for the fun of dying an inventive death.  “Cocaine Bear” is a performance-heavy piece, which isn’t surprising when an actor directs a feature, although it may be surprising to anyone expecting the bear’s bonkers rampage to drive all of the good-humored drama.

Attributing “Cocaine Bear’s” balanced blend of comedy and carnage to accomplished actors who understand the assignment would diminish Banks’s value to the film.  Where Banks really excels is through her sure-handed style that swirls all of the actors and their arcs in a sous vide where they cook at one consistent temperature.

In spite of a purposefully preposterous premise, “Cocaine Bear” retains only an air of silliness that deftly avoids degrading into completely corny campiness.  If anyone has an urge to bug out their eyes or wink at the camera like a cartoon, Banks keeps hammy tendencies in check so the movie remains amusing without risking outright absurdity.  Predictability pockmarks several setups, except “Cocaine Bear” smartly uses its textbook script in a manner where the tropes of a parent rescuing a child, villains forced to choose between morality and profit, and a surprisingly poignant throughline involving several deadbeat dads ensure enjoyable interactions and a busy rhythm that cracks like a whip without being manic.

I hope “Cocaine Bear” becomes reflective of its era in the way that “Twister” or “Johnny Mnemonic” are reflective of theirs.  As in, people should look back at cinema in the 2020s and say, whether they’re being sincere or cynical, “Y’all had movies like this back then?”  Elizabeth Banks and Jimmy Warden basically build “Cocaine Bear” like a classic Roger Corman drive-in flick, just with big studio bucks and an all-star cast.  If that sentiment makes sense to you, then you know that’s the highest compliment a B-movie romp wearing an A-movie’s fur suit can possibly get.

NOTE: There are two mid-credits scenes.

Review Score: 75

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