BLOODSUCKING BASTARDS (2015)

Studio:       Scream Factory
Director:    Brian James O’Connell
Writer:       Dr. God, Ryan Mitts
Producer:  Justin Ware, Colleen Hard, Brandon Evans, Brett Forbes, Patrick Rizzotti
Stars:     Fran Kranz, Pedro Pascal, Emma Fitzpatrick, Yvette Yates, Justin Ware, Marshall Givens, David F. Park, Neil Garguilo, Joel Murray, Joey Kern

Review Score:

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Summary:

Dumped by his girlfriend and surrounded by slackers, an overworked sales manager discovers his office has been overtaken by vampires.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

At the office where they work together, acting sales manager Evan Sanders talks to his slacker friend and coworker Tim about an upcoming presentation for the Phallucite account. After an awkward moment between Evan and head of HR Amanda in the break room, Tim explains to coworkers Andrew and Mike that Amanda said “I love you” to Evan and Evan’s response was, “no.”

After encounters with Jerry the janitor and Frank the security guard, intern Jack is killed while taking trash to the dumpster.

Branch president Ted Plunkett passes over Evan for a promotion and instead hires Max Phillips as the new sales manager. Max went to college with Evan and Tim, but Evan had him kicked out after Max slept with his girlfriend. Max moves into Evan’s office and starts hitting on Amanda.

In the office alone playing video games after hours, Mike is killed in one of the bathroom stalls. Evan finds Mike’s body in the morning, but it is gone by the time he alerts everyone.

Max secretly turns office employee Dave into a vampire. Formerly passive Dave becomes aggressive in demanding that everyone pay what is owed to the office sports betting pool.

Anxious to complete his Phallucite presentation, Evan uses Zabeth, who harbors a crush on him, to retrieve files from the basement. Zabeth is attacked and turned into a vampire.

Evan convinces Andrew to work late with him. Andrew goes to the basement and is attacked by Zabeth. Meanwhile, Evan searches Max’s office, finding photos of Amanda and personnel files where each employee photograph is marked with an x, circle, or check.

Andrew returns upstairs and seemingly drops dead in front of Evan. Evan hides in a supply closet. Determining that Max is behind the murders, Evan calls Amanda with a warning, but Max answers her phone and taunts him. Evan eventually passes out.

Ted, Tim, and Max find Evan in the morning. Andrew returns as a vampire and presents the completed Phallucite presentation to the bosses. Ted admonishes Evan for not finishing it himself. However, Max strangely defends Evan to protect Evan’s job.

Evan tries convincing Tim that vampires have overtaken the office. Tim reveals several odd events he witnessed that corroborate Evan’s wild claim, including watching Max turn administrative assistant Elaine into a vampire. Amanda still refuses to believe that anything supernatural is going on. Evan worries that Max will turn her into a vampire like the other employees.

Evan and Tim go to Frank for help. Frank reveals that he was with Tim when they witnessed the ongoing vampire activity. The three men go to Frank’s car for weapons and discover that Frank’s vehicle was robbed. Jerry the janitor reveals he is a vampire by attacking Frank. Frank recovers and stakes Jerry through his heart. Jerry explodes.

Evan, Tim, and Frank return to the office and discover that all of the employees are now productive vampires. The men arm themselves with office supplies before confronting Ted, Max, and Andrew in Ted’s office. Amanda is also present. Ted reveals that he knew Max was turning employees into vampires and that he sanctioned it so that employee performance would improve. Evan reveals that the files he found in Max’s office prove that Max planned to kill Ted. Before Ted can act, Max snaps Ted’s neck.

Max and Andrew allow the three men to leave Ted’s office with Amanda, but they are surrounded by the vampire employees. After a long battle, all of the vampires are killed. Max calls in the legal team, also turned into vampires, as reinforcements. He then compels Amanda back into Ted’s office and leaves the three men to continue fighting.

Andrew kills vampire Dave because he never liked him and ends up in a confrontation with Tim during which they debate how their faceoff should end. Frank dies combating the vampires from Legal. Evan returns to Ted’s office where he and Amanda ultimately kill Max.

Afterwards, Tim finds Evan and Amanda making out amidst the carnage. The three of them calmly leave the building as day breaks. A cleaning woman arrives at the grisly scene and is attacked by Andrew.

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Review:

Tightly-wound office monkey Evan is so sure he has a juicy promotion in the bag, he can barely be bothered with how he blew it by responding to his girlfriend’s “I love you” with a timidly whispered, “…no.”  Of course, securing that promotion hinges on how well he does on a pitch presentation for an erectile enhancement pill with the unfortunate side effect of turning one’s penis green.  If only Evan could get his slacker buddy co-workers to pull their weight and chip in.

Turns out it doesn’t matter anyway, as big boss Ted has other plans.  Those plans involve passing over Evan in favor of hiring Max, a slick-suited charmer who stole Evan’s other girlfriend in college, and aims to do the same with his current one.  But when Evan begins finding bloody bodies around the office, and those bodies later return as chalk-skinned power employees, Evan fears he may have to take down mysterious maestro Max for new reasons entirely.  If only Evan could convince everyone that vampires have taken over their workplace.

You’re going to hear “Bloodsucking Bastards” described as “Office Space” with vampires, probably more than once.  That’s not only because the analogy is easy to make, but also because it fittingly describes the film’s style of drily jabbing at the bleak world of cubicle drudgery, just with exploding undead corpses thrown into the mix.  Perhaps a better way to put it is to say that “Bloodsucking Bastards” would fit perfectly on a double bill with “What We Do in the Shadows” (review here), what with the clever way it blends mundane monotony and supernatural satire.

“Bloodsucking Bastards” is the brainchild of Los Angeles-based comedy quintet Dr. God.  Member Brian James O’Connell sits in the director’s chair while the other four feature in the cast, though only in supporting roles.

Among the impressive things one can cite about their group is that while they make their first film a showcase of writing and acting talents, they do so without turning “Bloodsucking Bastards” into an overindulgent vanity project.  This isn’t a demo reel advertising Dr. God in neon lights.  It aims to be a smart, funny, polished, and entertaining ensemble comedy above all, evenly distributing laughs across every character. 

Then again, if anyone were to be arrested for stealing scenes as a standout, it would have to be Joey Kern as content underachiever Tim.  Channeling a slightly smarter Paul Rudd from “Our Idiot Brother” with a Will Forte mustache, Kern brings a balance of disinterested malaise and infectious affability to create the kind of consistently aggravating personality who is impossible to stay mad at.  This is the kind of well-meaning goof incapable of seeing the hilarious irony in a line like, “Damn! For a head of HR, you look f*ckin’ sexy!”

Despite its off-the-wall premise, “Bloodsucking Bastards” doesn’t wade in the shallow end of cartoonish, buffoonish, or freshman fraternity humor.  The movie never needs to shift gears either, keeping joke arrival times at a steady pace and maintaining a consistent tempo of cynical irreverence.

The cast also plays slacker stereotypes without turning them into clown-like caricatures.  Credit director O’Connell for knowing where the line marking over-the-top is, and keeping everyone and everything pitched just far enough below it for surreal silliness to feel surprisingly grounded.

Numerous names can be called out for praise, but cinematographer Matt Mosher and editor Andrew Coutts earn special recognition.  Mosher’s camera always knows the right place to be, whether it is framing a profile two-shot of Tim and a vampire juggling like old times or panning for a perfectly-positioned reveal, while Coutts edits with the same precision the actors exhibit in their timing.  It isn’t just the cast participating in the humor.  The camera and cutting contribute to the comedy in equal measure.

A straightforward story comes with the price of being predictably familiar, even though going gangbusters on an original idea in that regard is low on the list of the movie’s main objectives.  Also, the movie is either missing a scene or else “Bloodsucking Bastards” concludes with an “ah, hell with it” ending where one showdown doesn’t have a visible outcome and another uncertain fate is resolved with a line of dialogue.  Tougher to please viewers may be flustered by the fumbling of plot points that aren’t as creative as the comedy.

Yet with an entire entourage in front of and behind the camera continually bringing that comedy to the forefront, “Bloodsucking Bastards” keeps its fun and its funny fully charged, even when beats miss the mark or bounce off a wall.  For anyone who has ever felt trapped in a soulless office, had to share a cubicle with a photo printer, or wondered why the workplace has so little natural sunlight, “Bloodsucking Bastards” is just what the doctor ordered for an eerily appropriate horror-comedy.

Review Score:  80

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