BLOOD SHED (2014)

Studio:       Uncork’d Entertainment
Director:    Patrick Hasson, Juan Carlos Saizarbitoria
Writer:       Patrick Hasson
Producer:  Rick Dugdale, Roman Kopelevich
Stars:     Gabriel De Santi, Bai Ling, Bree Essrig, Cherie Daly, Vida Guerra

Review Score:

---

Summary:

A homeless man inherits a self-storage shed that holds the secret of his past and his connection to a bloodthirsty witch.

---

Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Gabriel Haines lives in his car. In his post office box, Gabriel finds an envelope from his estranged brother Tom containing the key to a storage unit that belonged to their family.

At the Arat self-storage facility, a newlywed homeless couple settles into the unit where they live. A half-naked witch-creature named Jezebel Zavala suddenly kills the man. Jezebel then abducts the pregnant woman, Paulina, and takes her to an underground lair where she performs strange Santeria rituals.

Gabriel arrives at Arat to try his key. The receptionist Samira takes a liking to Gabriel while the facility’s owner Arsen immediately dislikes him. Arsen and Gabriel have several altercations that heighten the animosity between both men. Inside his storage shed, Gabriel finds a padlocked trunk, but he cannot break the lock. Also in the storage facility, Gabriel meets a mute old man who uses a typewriter to communicate, prostitutes Devon and Lucy, and a boy named Trace who lives in one of the units with his mother Khara.

Samira secretly breaks into Gabriel’s trunk and finds a collection of newspaper clippings about Jezebel that identify her as a missing pregnant woman whose infant son was recovered. Gabriel later finds the clippings when Trace helps him break into the shed after Arsen locks him out. Meanwhile, Samira brings her friend Evette to the storage facility.

The lights go out in the storage facility and Jezebel appears behind the old man. She touches his shoulder and it is revealed via flashback that he is her former American husband David. Before David impregnated her with Gabriel, Jezebel sought the aid of a witch who could secure David’s affection and bring Jezebel a child. During her pregnancy, David turned violent and Jezebel disappeared. Gabriel finds a home movie that tells more of the story and watches it with Samira.

Paulina tries to escape the underground cavern, but Jezebel recaptures her. The others all become locked in the storage facility. Jezebel kills Khara, Lucy, and Devon while everyone else looks for a way out.

Gabriel and Samira eventually confront Jezebel underneath the building. While Jezebel attempts to use her supernatural powers on her son, Samira is able to electrocute her from behind. Afterwards, Gabriel and Samira flee to Arizona together. Elswhere, a van driver picks up a hitchhiking Jezebel. Covered in blood, Jezebel tells the driver that she is headed to Arizona.

---

Review:

The opening title cards of “Blood Shed” spit out several factoids claiming that Los Angeles is the homeless capital of the United States, the number of homeless there may reach 100,000 in 2014, and 5% of them supposedly live in self-storage facilities.  A good chunk of that percentage seemingly resides inside the Arat storage facility in “Blood Shed,” as the movie’s central location features more occupants in its units than many average public housing complexes.

Gabriel Haines lives in his car.  After his estranged brother mails him a storage unit key belonging to their family’s estate, Gabriel is able to join the mother and son, newlywed pregnant couple, mute old man, transvestite prostitute, and loopy hooker sidekick that also live inside Arat’s storage sheds.  Even receptionist Samira brings her gal pal Evette to the facility to hang out, because apparently it is the cool place to be.

Underneath the building is a domicile of a different kind.  There, a female witch-creature with red eyes and dirty claws bounds around half-naked while putting upside-down crosses on herself, her victims, and anything else that could use a dollop of occult flair.  Half-woman and half-monster (the movie is never fully clear if she is a witch, zombie, creature, or just a human with supernatural powers), Jezebel has a hankering for unborn babies and fertile wombs.  There is also a mystery hidden in the locked trunk inside Gabriel’s storage unit that connects her to the homeless hero.  And when that connection comes to light, Heaven help everyone who calls Arat Storage home.

Aside from that loose recap of the basic storyline, “Blood Shed” is an otherwise difficult movie to describe.  Most horror films can be categorized as slashers, creature features, haunted house yarns, or what have you.  For example, if someone were to say, “I’d like to watch a vampire movie tonight,” coming up with a suggestion would be an easy matter.  Ditto any request for a “found footage” recommendation.  But where “Blood Shed” fits in when it comes to adding descriptive tags is anybody’s guess.

Key among the plentiful problems is a roster that is terribly unlikable, which is almost as bad as the fact that virtually everyone is also uninteresting.  Someone overlooked the basic screenwriting goal of attaching audiences to onscreen personalities and getting them invested in the outcome.  “Blood Shed” ends up painting portraits for people without any real end game in mind about how they relate to the viewer and the result is resounding disinterest in how anything plays out.

Leading the charge is chief protagonist Gabriel.  He wears a perpetually grumpy grimace that deflects audience empathy and his persistent angst makes Samira’s out-of-nowhere romantic interest in him as unbelievable as the plot.  Topping things off, either the lead actor had a cold while filming, or constant sniffling is the best that the movie could come up with as a definable character trait.

Building owner Arsen is intentionally depicted as a despicable lout, possibly pleasuring himself while shirtless and watching Samira undress on a hidden camera, as well as firing F-bombs and making extortion attempts.  If anyone is set up for a cheer of approval over an eventual bloody demise, this is the man.  Yet surprisingly, Arsen not only ends up as a survivor, but he is the lone character that never even has a single deadly encounter whatsoever.

Even scenes themselves are confused about what their purpose is.  In one moment, Jezebel materializes to knock every one of the characters unconscious as they stand in a hallway.  A phony thud is heard as each head hits the wall or the floor and once everyone is counting sheep, Jezebel simply walks away.  Fade to black and when the characters come to, everyone just stands up and goes into the next scene.  Meanwhile, the audience is left to scratch its collective head and ask, “what is the point of all this?”

Belonging in some indescribable purgatory of not quite fitting any sensible classification might sound like an advantage for originality.  Instead, “Blood Shed” struggles to be unique against a script and a story that is poorly paced and confusingly underdeveloped.

“Storage 24” (review here) and “Self Storage” (review here) seemingly kicked off a momentary explosion of storage facility-related terrors.  “Blood Shed” suggests that any such blossoming subgenre might be better off trapped in a trunk inside one of those padlocked units.

Review Score:  35

---